Saturday, March 31, 2007

VINTAGE DELFINO

This is an entry from 2003, featuring Wil Wheaton.

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Thursday, September 18, 2003
Wil Wheaton loves ME now!
by Jessica Delfino

When I was young, I used to have a poster of Wil Wheaton on my wall that I'd removed from the center fold of a Teen Beat magazine. Before I'd ever kissed a boy, I kissed the shit out of the lips on the Wil Wheaton poster. I kissed them until there was nothing but faded, worn paper where his pink lips (sigh) had once been. Once I got bored of kissing Wil Wheaton, I'd move in on Julian Lennon, also hanging on my wall. I always felt bad kissing Julian in front of Wil, and Wil in front of Julian, but that didn't keep me from ruining the faces of both posters.

Now, it's MY turn to bask in HIS love. Check it out -
http://www.wilwheaton.net/mt/archives/001379.php#001379

You guys did some weird shit when you were young. Most of you are still doing weird shit.
So f off.

Wil Wheaton has written a few books, is married and still acts, so don't ever go up to him in a restaurant and say, "Hey, didn't you used to be an actor?" Cause that's not cool.

TUBE TIME TONIGHT: The best of the wild, wild web
featuring myself and my outrageous videos and video finds, as well as a slew of others.

We are competing for some kind of award. But I don't care about what I'm winning. I just want to win it! It's gonna be stiff competition...there are some amazing people and videos in this show.

TONITE at 10 PM sharp

Anthology Film Archives, 2nd and 2nd, Manhattan
Party afterwards with free vodka for ticket holders...
Tickets: $8.50

Get them at the venue
or

CLICK HERE TO GET TIX

Here's the blurb from www.nyuff.com:

Encore, encore! 2007's fabulous follow-up to 2006's groundbreaking gameshow promises to unleash the wildest content known–until now–only to the most provocative laptops. Forget WWF, this horse and pony show is strictly WWW.

Famous, sexy and funny NYUFF celebrities go head-to-head, competing to put the most outrageous videos they find on the Internet onto the silver screen. That means fucking crazy. Your applause will crown the new champ.

Hosted by Gabe Liedman (At Night with Gabe and Jenny). Contestants include Rich Juzwiak (Four Four blog), Chelsea Perreti and crew, Paddy Johnson (Art Fag City), John Michael Boling, Ben Coonley, John Seroff, Joe Johnston, Jaime Pereira, Cat Krudy, John Thomson, Matt Savitsky, Dan Carbone, Jessica Delfino (dirty folk rocker with magical parts), Bobby Langdon, Josh Safdie, Sam Lisenco, Brina Thurston, Naomi Leibowitz, and queen bee 2006, the one to beat, Kendra Levin.

AND / OR

If you're dying to see some Delfino dirty folk rock action, come see me sing
my dirty folk rock songs live tonight at:

FEMME-TASTIC
8 PM
Gene Frankel Theater
Bond St. @ Lafayette

Scroll down for more info

OR

click this link more information

Friday, March 30, 2007

PHILA-DELFINO!!!!!

I didn't know Philadelphia was on the edge of anything - except
New Jersey. But it turns out they are, and how! Read all about
how and why Philadelphia loves Delfino...

It turns out THIS is the biggest, best
Delfino article to date.

Top this, America!

Cover photo and me sipping soda pop photo
by Julia Newman. Thanks, Julia!

Look at the pretty pictures and then
READ IT HERE

Thursday, March 29, 2007

TONITE

Thursday, March 29th


FEMMETASTIC @ Gene Frankel Theater
24 Bond St. NYC
9:30 PM

with:

Jessica Delfino
Purity & The Prince
Please Remove This Stuffed Animal From My Head
Pops

More info: www.genefrankel.com
Biggest, Fanciest Delfino article to date!

WOW!

This article was written by Kernan Andrews, a writer
for the Galway Advertiser in Ireland. Befriend her on myspace.

I'm going to be in Ireland April 4th - 12th for the Galway
Comedy Festival. If you know anyone in Galway, email
me and hook me up with your foreign pals! I'd like to meet
some interesting people who will show me a good time.

Read the article online here

And here is an interesting tidbit:

I was delighted to learn that I
have been immortalized in a piece
of artwork by artist Frank Bradley Jr.,
whom I met in his studio at last
year's Dumbo Arts Festival.

A description of the piece in his own words:
"You are being bombed by american
bombadiers, for your own good of course, luckily one
of the bombs has exploded in mid-air, but you
recognise the serious peril the other probably will
cause you, and have resorted to yelling something in
chinese, I don't know what."
More information to come. But in the meantime, here's
a tiny sneak peak at a portion of the piece:
I bet I'm yelling, "Wow!"

I think it is quite lovely in it's entirety
and am looking forward to seeing it
side by side his other work in the finished
show. He is also working on a piece
involving the story about that lady
who hit a homeless guy and kept him
on his windshield until he died, and
then buried him somewhere.

Sneaky!

But not sneaky enough, as now Frank
Bradley Jr. is on the loose with that
imagery in mind.

I can't wait to see what shall be promulgated.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Gentlemen - this might make a nice gift
for a lady (or the gay man or gay man
friend with a birthday coming up) in your life.

Whatever you do with this information,
these people have got moxie...

www.whispersmedia.com
(no, it's not cat food)

*There's also a casting call on the site
for males with hunky voices.*

I think I like it, although I
don't know if I could see myself
using it. Right now, I mostly use
my man's penis.

I read a great lady sex tip the other
day in Marie Claire. A girl said
she read dirty stories on her ipod when
she was getting ready for bed so that when
her man hit the sheets, she was ready to dance.

And by dance, I mean "do it".

I don't have an ipod. So, I just have to
fantasize naughty teacher scenes and use
astroglide, like the rest of the poor people
out there.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

SHOW TONITE AT JIMMY'S CANCELLED!!!!

I am very sorry to say that my T-Time with T-Top Trans-Am is cancelled tonight. It was supposed to be at Jimmy's, 43 E. 7th St. between 2nd and 3rd Aves, 8 PM.

I'm sorry!!!

I repeat...

I'm sorry!!!

Please come to another show in the near future that will not be cancelled, such as The Shark Show this Saturday at Mo Pitkins. See my list of shows at the link below - and while you're there, jam out to some of my classic dirty folk rock songs.

www.myspace.com/jessicadelfinotunes

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

A NEW GENERATION OF EDUCATION

Wow.

I can't wait to have kids!

TEACHING KIDS ABOUT POT

TEACHING KIDS ABOUT VEGETARIANISM
I am very proud to announce my prideful involvement with
a show that leaves me brimming with pride:


...someone's got some Photoshop skills.
(but that someone is not me)
This show is THIS THURSDAY so get on over there.
I'm performing at 10 PM.

If you want to catch an earlier show on Thursday,
come on by Jimmy's #43 East for a new
T-TIME with T-TOP TRANS-AM
featuring:

T-TOP TRANS-AM's MAINE LESSONS
ROSIE REBEL's DANCE OFF
CAPTAIN HILARIOUS's HILARITY
and more...

all for the suitable price of $5.

Good food, really good beer.
It's a swell joint.

WOWWWW!

Visit me at myspace.com/jessydelfino to learn something about life.

Monday, March 12, 2007

HOLY CRAPPER!

Literally the craziest toilets ever...

And I thought the kind that sprays
water up your butt was fancy!

GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS IN COMEDY LAND

GOOD NEWS:

An interview starring me was just published in the Philly Edge.
I didn't know that Philly was on the edge of anything, except New Jersey...

BAD NEWS:

Richard Geni commited suicide.
I'm no detective, but this story sounds fishy...

Saturday, March 10, 2007



GIRLS GET SUSPENDED FROM HIGH SCHOOL FOR SAYING VAGINA!!!

First of all, what kind of world are we living in? Apparently, one where you can't say "vagina" without getting into trouble. This was emailed to me from my pal Bobby Bunny
(of the band Ultrabunny, below)

who is an alumni of John Jay High School (the school in question). He says:

"I should point out, that I was suspended from school for saying “shit” in front of the entire school when I gave a ludicrous non-sequitor filled campaign speech while running for student council president on the dada ticket. I did it humorously and entirely for shock
value, so it didn't make the papers."

Second of all, way to go, girls!

CROSS RIVER, NY - Saying the word "vagina" during a reading at a John Jay High School open mic session has resulted in suspension for three female students and has sparked a debate about censorship throughout the community.

School administrators had warned the girls it would be inappropriate to say the word while reading a selection from Eve Ensler's "The Vagina Monologues," but the students were willing to suffer the consequences.

Now Ensler, a playwright and feminist who grew up in Scarsdale, has offered to visit the Katonah-Lewisboro school district to discuss the matter.

Juniors Megan Reback, Elan Stahl and Hannah Levinson will each serve separate one-day, in-school suspensions this week, Reback said.

"When I was able to say the word 'vagina' and be proud to say it … and it wasn't crude and it wasn't inappropriate and it was very real and very pure, it was important to me," Reback said yesterday. "We were willing and ready to take whatever came."

The administrators' decision to suspend the girls has caused an uproar within the school, with students making T-shirts and posters to protest the punishment. A group opposed to the suspension has been created on Facebook.com, a popular Internet networking site, and had attracted more than 350 members yesterday.

The move has prompted parents to write to the Board of Education and circulate e-mails calling the suspension a "blatant attempt at censorship."

School board President Peter Breslin said the decision to suspend the students was not about censorship, but rather about insubordination. He said school administrators had been concerned about the use of the word because young children would be at the open mic session, and the girls had agreed not to say it.

"I think the students need to understand that if you make an agreement with the administration to do something, and then you don't do it, there's going to be consequences for that," he said. "We are very committed to free expression and we do not tolerate censorship in our district."

"The Vagina Monologues" is a book based on interviews with more than 200 women about their experiences of sexuality. Since being written in 1996 as a response to the guilt and embarrassment many women still connect with their bodies, the book has been translated into 45 languages and been performed in cities throughout the world.

The piece has also led to the founding of "V-Day," an international grass-roots movement dedicated to stopping violence against women. It is celebrated Feb. 14 with people performing "The Vagina Monologues" and raising money for the cause.

Ensler offered yesterday to take part in a public meeting to discuss with students, parents and educators why it was important for girls of high school age to feel comfortable saying the word "vagina."

The author said much of the violence that happens to women in the United States occurs because they are "disempowered by lack of education."

"What is wrong about the word 'vagina,' which is the correct biological term for a body part?" Ensler asked. "It is not slang. It is not dirty or racy. The fact that it was censored is an indication of exactly what is going on in American schools, where girls and boys are not being educated about their bodies in a healthy way. We're pushing everything into the closet.

"We need open, healthy sex education where girls know and love their bodies," said Ensler, who addressed the United Nations yesterday during an international conference dedicated to stopping rape as a weapon in conflict.

The controversy in Cross River centers around the verse: "My short skirt is a liberation flag in the women's army. I declare these streets, any streets, my vagina's country."

The words were part of a longer selection, which the three girls had divided among themselves.

Leading up to the performance, the girls had debated whether to say the word that they knew would get them into trouble. One idea they discussed was to not actually say the word, but rather hold up a sign with the word written on it.

Ultimately, however, they decided to say "vagina" because they did not feel they had the liberty to change a work of art.

All three girls read the final line together, as a sign of unity.

"I think almost everyone can agree it's important to uphold the integrity of literature and not change or alter it," Reback said.

School administrators did not return requests for comment yesterday, but Breslin, the board president, pointed to the district's stance against censorship during a debate over Nadine Gordimer's "July's People." The book is part of the 10th-grade curriculum, despite parents' criticism about its sexual and racial content.

As for a student's right to free expression, the U.S. Supreme Court has said students "do not shed their constitutional rights to freedom of speech and expression at the schoolhouse gate."

Public school officials, however, may regulate student expression that substantially disrupts the school environment or that infringes on the rights of others. Many courts have held that school officials can restrict student speech that is lewd, The First Amendment Center said.

Allen Hershkowitz, a 51-year-old environmental scientist with two children in the high school, said suspending the students was not only a form of censorship, but was also bad educating. He would like to see the administrators apologize for making a mistake.

"No one should be embarrassed to use the word 'vagina,' " said Hershkowitz, a former Lewisboro town councilman. "It's exactly the opposite message we should be teaching our children. ... That's when problems arise, when they're not informed and not feeling comfortable referring to their bodies."

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

B-A-A-B

In addition to this song being incredibly catchy and delightful (as are many of SOCE The Elemental Wizard's raps) it boasts some of NYC's most awesome downtown performers:

Faceboy, Nick Nace, Bruce Smallinoff, The O'Debras, Moonshine, Burt Paseos, Chris Sullivan, Victor Varnado, Mike Amato, SOCE, Jason Trachtenburg, Zeroboy, Margaret Dodge, myself

I saw it for the first time last night at his home screening party and I knew it was going to be a super hit.

ENJOY!


Sunday, March 4, 2007

EVER MADE A DOCUMENTARY IN ANTARCTICA?

Sylvestre did. We met when he picked me up in his van last summer when I was hitch-hiking to Montreal from Vermont to perform in the Just For Laughs Comedy Festival. He was a very cool, handsome older gent. We enjoyed each other's company, so we decided to keep in touch. Before he left to go to Antarctica to make a documentary with Anne Aghion, he flew into NYC. I had dinner with him the night before he left on his six month or so trip, in which he would be staying in Antarctica on a base and then in tents, to make a documentary.

I just checked in on his progress and found a website all about it. Click on it if you're into Antarctica, documentaries, or clicking on things.

http://www.livingantarctica.org

Isn't it neat how randomly people come together?
DELFINO'S DIATRIBE - MARCH

NOTE: The Red Cross Benefit is on MARCH 14th, (same time and place) not March 15th as it said in the diatribe email. To sign up for my diatribe email, please email jessdelfino@yahoo.com. Diatribes usually come out about once a month, rarely more, usually less.

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Dear Good People of the world:

I have so much to write about I can hardly contain myself in this container I am in as I write this. That's what I call my apartment, because it is so small. Wow, and while I'm complaining, I should mention that it is hot in here, too.

Speaking of complaining, why does it cost $2000 to fly to Ireland? For that amount of money, I should be able to ride in a lounge chair on someone's back, while he doggy paddles me there.

And speaking of flying, it is now time for:

-----------------

DELFINO'S DIATRIBE

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NEWS:

MY FIRST COMIC BOOK!

I have terrific news! The first issue of my full-color comic book / "graphic" novel "TRUE STORIES BY JESSICA DELFINO" is now available for purchase by the comic book lover in you. They are large, beautiful, shiny, and full-color, as mentioned above, and are $25 each, which includes shipping and handling. Episode One: "The Mile High Club" is based on a true story of my own experience of love and lust in a bathroom on an airplane, 4000 feet up above in the blue skies of America.

BUY YOURS HERE!

at

www.e-junkie.com

TRIP TO IRELAND:

I've never been to this "Land of Ire" which I have heard tales told of, but I'm looking forward to my first international trip across the ocean. I will be performing in the Galway Comedy Festival, along with the awesome Rosie Rebel. Any suggestions, hints or tips regarding my trip to Galway? Please email me.

MARCH'S "L MAGAZINE" - THE SEX ISSUE:

Pick one up to read a story about the time I lost my virginity, along with the lost virginity tales of Jonathan Ames, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Molly Crabapple and more.

Or, read it on-line, RIGHT HERE.

THE RED PETERS SHOW - SIRIUS RADIO / HOWARD STERN CHANNEL 101:

Even though if Howard Stern ever saw me in person, he'd make fun of my tits and probably make me cry, I was featured on Howard Stern Channel 101 on The Red Peters Show #23, Feb. 27th, 2007. The radio won't play my songs, but who cares? Between my past life as a graphic designer to my current life as a dirty folk singer, if it weren't for the internet, I'd be starving to death.

www.redpeters.com

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SHOWS IN MARCH:

This is a list of the shows I have booked in March. Though I have love for all these shows (or I wouldn't be performing in them) I've red bolded ones that I think you should absolutely not miss under any circumstances.

Wednesday, March 14th: Please join me for a bloody good time at a RED CROSS BENEFIT show I am doing at Madame X, 94 W. Houston, 7 PM - Midnight.

Friday, March 16th: Crack up at my hi-jinx in close quarters at NO NAME & A BAG OF CHIPS, a long-running intimate comedy series featuring comedy, music, magic, home-baked goodies, and the cozy comforts of Mo Pitkin's Sadie's Lounge - 34 Ave. A, 7:00 PM. FREE! www.mopitkins.com

Sunday, March 18th: Party in style to my guitar stylings at hottie Margaret Dodge's show DODGE CITY, Parkside Lounge, on the corner of Houston Ave at Attorney St. 9 PM. FREE!

*Monday, March 19th: Watch me and my homies Carlen, Adam and Heather make merry with a variety of notable street performers at STREET MEAT, at Cake Shop on Ludlow btw. Rivington & Delancey, 8 PM. www.adamnewman.net

Wednesday, March 21st: Come dance around and have some jolly good fun at the RETRO TRASH BENEFIT SHOW at Porky's, 55 W. 21st St., 6 PM. Featuring myself, Rench, Lucy Buttons and More.

*Thursday, March 22nd: "F" Poland Springs, T-Top Trans-Am will make you know for friggin' real what it means to be from Maine. Come see the spectacle at JIMMY'S #43 EAST, 43 E. 7th St. 8 PM. $5

*Saturday, March 24th: THE SHARK SHOW boys will delight you, entertain you and tickle your favorite parts. Let them do that, won't you? Featuring me and others. More info: www.thesharkshow.com

Sunday, March 25th: T-Top Trans-Am will be making an appearance in ROSIE REBEL'S DANCE A THONG! Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery. More info: www.bowerypoetry.com

*Monday, March 26th: CXB's NIGHT OF A SHITLOAD OF STARS will knock you on your ass with a fast-paced array of dazzling performers doing things that performers do. 8 PM, $5 sugg donation, Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery

*Tuesday, March 27th: Surf Reality is alive and well at RADICAL VAUDEVILLE at Mo Pitkins, 34 Ave A, 10 PM. Featuring sketch comedy from Mo's Hos: Rosie Rebel, The O'Debra Twins, Steph Sabelli and me, Jessica Delfino. Plus gams and jams. $5 www.surfreality.com

Thursday, March 29th & Saturday, March 31st: FEMME-TASTIC is one of those shows that you might not expect much from, but get ready to feel like a retarded jerk for thinking that way. Featuring lots of funny and talented broads, such as me. The Gene Frankel Underground Theatre, 24 Bond st. (btwn. Bowery & Lafayette) RSVP: 212-252-2402 or info@groovemamaink.com

Damn...I sure do a lot of shows.

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SHOWS OF PALLIES OF MINE:

Monday, March 5th: My spooky metal band "Haunted Pussy" plays at LIT Lounge, (93 2nd Ave. bet. 5th / 6th Sts.) in the PRECIOUS METAL metal series. $6. VICE Magazine's new internet channel, VBS.TV, will be on hand to immortalize all the histrionic fear metal.

8:30 Haunted Pussy
9:30 Villains

www.hauntedpussy.com
www.myspace.com/hauntedpu55y (note the 5's as s's)

Wed, March 7th: Rev Jen's 11 year running ANTI-SLAM open mic will be welcomed with open mic arms at the east village performance house staple, Mo Pitkin's, 34 Ave. A. 9:30 PM, $4. With special surprises, a blessing of the mac & cheese, Rev Jen Jr., and tons of talented performers on the mic.

Thursday, March 8th: I've seen Chris and MISNOMER DANCE THEATER perform at PS122 several times and they do some pretty amazing things with their bodies. If you like dance, you will love this. Even if you don't like dance, you'll probably still like it. If you've been meaning to check out some dancey stuff and get some culture in your life, this will be a good place to start. Tickets are kind of expensive $35 and $25, but you can also get $15 tickets according to the site, and if you go to NYU or know someone who does, maybe you can get a student discount or something.

566 Laguardia Place
Skirball Center (Washington Square South, NYU)

6 PM: Reception
7 PM: Show
8 PM: Party

Chris Elam writes:

I hope you will celebrate with us at our Spring Soirée on March 8th to enjoy a festive evening of performance, partying, and socializing. Along with food, drinks, live music, action-painting, interactive art installations and surprises, we will give a brief description of our online initiatives and will perform an excerpt from "Throw People" which the NY Times named one of the Top Ten dance performances in NYC for 2006. Lady Rizo, a fabulous performance burlesque artist, will also perform and host the evening, and each of our dancers will present a short solo of their own work! General tickets are $35, and we are offering a limited amount for $25 with the code: MBCL. Student, working artists, and benefit rates are also available at our website. If you bring five people, your ticket is free (call 212-992-8474 for this offer). You can order tickets and view the fun invite video at misnomer.org/soiree.html

Tuesdays, March 13th and 20th: Jollyship The Whizbang's CRABQUISTADOR at Ars Nova! A rock-opera puppet pirate extravaganza not to be missed. Funny, smart, cute, great. More info: www.myspace.com/jollyshipthewhizbang

Wednesday, March 28th: Melissa Surach of Gynocult.com fame has a montly show at 58 Gallery on 58 Coles St., PATH train to Grove St. 8:30 PM. Free! There are funny performers, videos, music, booze, and you can smoke in there. My friend T-Top Trans-Am's funny video will be screened on this night.

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Things of note:

Sweet D's catchy, funny, awesome rap video:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRIY5H7pDuo

Great web site for cool, wierd band:
www.exegesis.com

Cool people doing cool things:
www.thehappycorp.com

More cool people doing cool things, Jersey style:
www.fifty8.com

Interview featuring me, with ugly pictures
www.mrskin.com/Skinterviews/index.htm

Pal of mine video/spoof of Madonna's Borderline:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HTQ33NMuSw

Bill Murray's Myspace page!
www.myspace.com/billmurray

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Until next time,
Ms. Delfino

www.myspace.com/jessydelfino
www.myspace.com/jessicadelfinotunes

Saturday, March 3, 2007


As I was riding my bike south down Broadway, a woman who I did not recognize, with a baby attached to her chest, also who I did not recognize, yelled out my name.

I turned around to find myself face to face with baby and mama art star princesses of folklore's delight: "Laruocco", best known in the art star world for painting pictures with her own period blood and putting an onion up her vagina, as well as other surprises and tricks, including her own wild and eccentric personality. Her book, "Document Zippo", got a rave review from The Village Voice. A friend recalls her as "either being really funny or really wierd."

She was taking her baby to it's job, baby modeling, which according to Larocco, pays better than her own job.

I will remember that, should I ever find myself babied.

In addition to the new art Laruocco has made named Layla, it seems that her art has also become part of (or, perhaps inspired) new art.